Career or Stay-at-Home Mom?

Before my M’s (marriage and becoming a Mom) I have a C. A career which serves as your identity, your accomplishment and life. It is where your world revolves. But now, being on the other side as a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM), Career had stepped aside and now seems pretty trivial. 
This new job demands your whole being. You 24/7. No breaks, No weekends, No holidays and No Pay. Who would have thought that I’ll be taking a smile and a grin as a payment? Hahaha.

But as tiring as it was, at the end of the day when you look at your baby sleeping and cute and cuddly… It was all worth it ❤

Amidst the rewards I reap and lessons learned for this new role. I feel like I still need to prove something. Not to anybody but to me. I feel like I owe the professional in me to give her an outlet where she can exist and shine.

Then the opportunity to do freelancing…

Prior to this, the last artwork I did was Seb’s baptismal invitation and backdrop then nada. 

So when the door opens for me to unleash my creative being once again I was quite hesitant to enter because I feel like I’ve been sabbatical for too long. Not that I forgot how to use the apps and all but I lost my jive. My momentum completely dropped. It was not the will to be creative again that made me say Yes but the money. I needed it. I missed earning on my own.

Once engaged, I am sweating buckets as I feel like a rookie. I lost the familiarity of it all. But as all things are… I faced it and guess what? I did very well with flying colors! The rush and hype makes me look forward to what’s next.

As professional as I felt. Motherness never left me. My work bag has a new must have now – the breastpump set. I have no need for alarms to remind me to pump every 3 hours, as I can literally feel my breasts rock hard. I have high respect for all working moms who pump at work and build their stash and have coolers to travel with. It is a chore. If only the baby knows what you have to go through to fill that bottle.

But the most motherly of all. The moment of leaving your baby to go to work. OA as I may sound. I’m only away from 6AM-1AM not even a whole day but it pains me to walk out the door and wave goodbye while he cries. 

With my current state of mind I can never go back to work with the 5 days job. I will be a miserable-earning momma.

I am thankful for the blessings. The opportunities to earn, learn and widen my contacts but as I think about it in a bigger picture. That part of me will always be a ‘sometimes’ because my reality has changed. My new family had replaced my career as my priority. My always.

Just to mention: I am a (Motion) Graphics Designer / Visual Spinner for Events. 

And so the choice to do freelancing is made. But even to that, I cannot commit 100% as Seb is now in a state where his separation anxiety is at its peak. Not just him actually…😑

Anyway, this post is too real and honest. If you read this baka ang comment mo “Ang arte naman neto!” hahaha but I feel that other moms whose in the same boat will get me. 

Thank you internet and kind family babysitters for making things possible. This way I am able to unleash the professional me yet be able to be a mommy who breastfeeds on demand. Naks!

A blogging mom when the baby’s down for the night,